加利福尼亞州

　洛杉磯 -第一次嗎

　-對 - First time? - Yes. 好吧 All right. 我好像在哪見過你 I"ve seen you somewhere before. 我確實去過不少地方 Yeah, I"ve been around. 你怎么樣 How you doing? 今晚太激動人心了 Causing a lot of excitement tonight. -是謝爾嗎

　-是的 - Hi. Cheryl? - Yes. -你感覺怎么樣

　-挺好的

　謝謝 - How you doing? - Good. Thank you. 準備好迎接你的孩子了嗎 Ready to have your baby? 希望如此 I hope so. -是叫布萊絲嗎

　-對

　布萊絲·達拉斯 - Is it "Bryce"? - Bryce. Bryce Dallas. 歡迎來到這個世界

　布萊絲 Welcome to the world, Bryce. 布萊絲 Bryce. -你好

　布萊絲

　-布萊絲 - Hi, Bryce. - Bryce. 爸 Dad? -很酷吧

　-相當酷 - This is cool, right? - This is really cool. -你在拍照嗎

　-是啊

　怎么了 - Are you taking a picture? - Yeah. Why not? -你覺得驕傲嗎

　爸

　-當然了

　一直都是 - Are you proud, Dad? - Absolutely. Always. 這就是當爹的回報 This is the payoff for being a dad. -對

　《老爸》

　-《老爸》 - Okay. Yeah, Dads. - Dads.

　-顯然你是個爸爸

　-我是個爸爸 - Apparently you"re one. - I am one. 很好

　很好

　那就好 Good. Good, good, good. Cool. -我想問問你當爸爸的體會

　-好 - So I"m gonna ask you about it. - Okay. 柯南·奧布萊恩 兩個孩子的父親 完成這個句子

　父親是... Finish this sentence: A father is... 誰知道呢 Who knows? 要是我都能成專家

　這個節目可要遭殃了 If I"m the expert, this whole project is in terrible trouble. 拜托告訴我你還有更好的人選 So, please tell me you"ve got better people coming in. 我記得我有幾個孩子

　有四個 I remember that I have children. I know I have four of them. 二十七歲的女兒

　名字叫... Twenty-seven-year-old daughter named-- 吉米·坎摩爾 四個孩子的父親 這個頭沒開好 We"re off to a bad start. 不敢相信這是你感冒了的聲音 I can"t believe this is you with a cold. 不過我覺得我的嗓音聽起來更爺們了 But I think my voice sounds kind of more manly. -是啊

　特別好

　-硬漢的聲音 - Yeah, yeah, which is perfect. - Kind of a tough guy voice. 吉米·法♥倫♥ 兩個孩子的父親 尼爾·帕特里克·哈里斯 兩個孩子的父親 -謝謝你邀請我

　-開什么玩笑 - Thanks for including me. - Are you kidding me? -真不敢相信你要拍這個

　真不錯

　-我太興奮了 - Can"t believe you"re doing this. Cool. - I am so excited. 基南

　麻煩你稍微往后站一點點 Kenan, would you mind stepping back the tiniest bit? 基南·湯普森

　兩個孩子的父親 -是嘛

　我沒站對地方

　-好了 - Yeah, dawg. I"m off the mark. - There we go. 哈桑·明哈杰 一個孩子的父親 你們要采訪多少人

　多少個爸爸 How many people-- How many dads are you interviewing? 我的童年啊 My childhood, yes. 費城西區

　土生土長 West Philadelphia, born and raised. 威爾·史密斯 三個孩子的父親 我大部分的時間都在游樂場度過 On the playground is where I spent most of my days. 我排在威爾·史密斯后面

　不是吧 I gotta follow Will Smith? Don"t tell me that. 帕頓·奧斯瓦爾特 一個孩子的父親 天啊

　不要給我灌輸這種壓力 Oh, my God. Don"t put that in my head. -你可不可以站得自然一點

　-這樣嗎 - If you could just stand naturally. - Like that? 這就是我自然的站姿 That"s my natural resting-- 鄭肯 兩個孩子的父親 好

　我們的創作理念吻合 Okay, we"re on the same page creatively. 父親是... A father is-- Wow. 賈德·阿帕圖 兩個孩子的父親 我應該知道答案嗎

　不知道的話會很怪嗎 Should I know the answer to that, and it"s weird if I don"t? 現代父親的角色 The role of the modern father, -當今的爸爸

　-是啊 - what dads are today... - Yeah. -沒有明確的定義

　-一點沒錯 - is really not defined. - Totally.

　社會上普遍的觀念是

　爸爸很少參與育兒 It"s a societal thing that dads are kind of in the background. 我認為

　這種觀念越早改變越好 The sooner that narrative changes, I think, the better. 天啊

　里面有一個小女孩 Oh, my gosh. So that"s a little girl in there. 我弟弟是四個孩子中最小的一個 My brother, who"s the youngest of four, 他即將迎來第一個孩子 is about to have his first kid. 天吶 Oh, my God. 我能問你個問題嗎

　你拍這部片子的初衷是什么 So, can I ask you questions? What made you wanna do this? 我想更加了解當爸爸所需要的品質 I wanna know more about what it takes to be a father 贊美那些偉大的爸爸們 and celebrate all the great dads out there. 在我看來

　尤其是現在

　當爸爸 I think being a father, today more than ever, 不是一成不變的 it"s a very fluid thing. 沒有任何規則 I"m not-- There are no rules. 一股腦堆上來

　讓你無所適從 It"s all things at once. It"s multiplicities. 天吶

　當爸爸是件很神奇又讓人膽怯的事 Oh, my God. It"s this magical, intimidating thing. 不

　我們要把方方面面都攤開來說 No, let"s talk about everything so that 讓更多的人去努力

　并且做得更好 more people will do it and be better at it. 我的天啊 Oh, my God. 睡覺了

　睡覺了

　我們走 Bedtime, bedtime, here we go... 用最簡單的話來說

　父親是什么 So, in the simplest terms, what is a father? 英雄 A hero? 我第一個想到的就是這個

　That"s just the first thing I"m gonna say, 因為我很敬仰我爸 because I look up to my dad. 要是我做的還可以

　應該會成為孩子心中的英雄 If I do it right, I should be a hero to them. 老爸 格倫·亨利 加利福尼亞州

　圣地亞哥 怎么唱的 How does it go? 鞋子

　鞋子

　你在哪 ? Shoes, shoes, where are you? ? 鞋子

　鞋子

　你在哪 ? ? Shoes, shoes, where are you? ? 討厭

　我總是彈錯 Dang it, I keep messing up. 我剛剛醒來

　天氣是這樣的好 ? Just woke up and it"s such a nice day ? 鞋子

　鞋子

　你在哪 ? Shoes, shoes, where are you? ? 鞋子

　鞋子

　你在哪

　鞋子 ? ? Shoes, shoes, where are you? Shoes... ? 父親的角色有了很大程度的轉變 The role of fatherhood has shifted in a major way. 過去我們要做的是掙錢養家 Because we went from providing, 陪家人過節

　還有管教孩子 being there for holidays and like disciplining... 安納亞

　可以幫忙收拾桌子嗎 Anaya, can you clear the table, please? 把杯子拿過來 Get a cup, please. -杯子

　-對

　拿過來 - Cup? - Yeah, get it. 而現在我們方方面面都要參與 ...to being all the way involved. 要是你做不到

　別人會覺得你像個呆子 And you kind of look like a dork if you"re not. 玩具收起來

　女孩子男孩子 ? Clean up the toys, girls and boys ? ? 動作快一點

　別磨蹭一整天 ?

　Put it away, don"t take all day, yeah ? 玩具收起來

　女孩子男孩子 ? ? Clean up the toys, girls and boys... ? 我覺得當爸爸成就了現在的我 I feel like being a father made me the man I am. 餐具全部拿過來

　餐具全部拿過來 ? ? Get the dishes off the table. Get the dishes off the table ? -爸爸

　-謝謝 - Papa. - Thank you. 要加速了

　你們的動作也要快一點了 Gonna get faster. Now you gotta move faster. 來了

　來了

　來了 Here we go, here we go, here we go. 玩具收起來

　女孩子男孩子 ? Clean up the toys, girls and boys ? 動作快一點

　別磨蹭一整天

　收起來 ? ? Put it away, don"t take all day. Clean up, clean up ? 看

　那兒還有餐具 Oh, look, there"s a dish over there. 好樣的

　小子 Good job, buddy. 我的孩子教會了我真誠

　誠實面對自己 My children taught me to be authentic and be honest with myself. 我們午餐吃什么 What are we having for lunch? 成為父親讓我擁有了一個全新的身份 Fatherhood has given me a whole new identity. 這是我以前上班的地方

　從疊襯衫開始 I used to work here. Started out foldin" shirts 陳列貨物

　給售貨員打打下手 and displaying stuff and helping out salesmen. 然后我找到了第一份銷♥售♥的工作 And then I actually got my first sales job. 我那時過得很艱難 I had a hard time. 我妻子討厭看到我上班如上墳的樣子 My wife hated the fact that I didn"t love my job. 我也不知道當時為什么要那樣說 I don"t know why I said what I said... 伊薇特·亨利 但我就是說了

　but I said it. 要不你就在家看孩子吧 What if you just stayed home with the kids? 我現在躲在廚房♥里 I"m hiding in the kitchen... 因為孩子們不許進廚房♥ because the kids aren"t allowed in the kitchen. 他在嗎 Is he there? 我絕對是低估了這件事的難度 I definitely underestimated the situation. 全亂套了 All hell broke loose. 粑粑噴的到處都是 The poop blowouts. 爸爸

　爸爸

　看呀 背上有粑粑

　頭發上也有 Poop up the back. Poop in the hair. 他拉粑粑了 Yeah, he pooped. 這里也是粑粑

　那里也是粑粑 There"s poop here. There"s poop here. 真的厭倦了粑粑的氣味 You"re just tired of smelling poop. -開什么玩笑

　爽身粉呢

　-我不知道 - Are you kidding me? Where is the powder? - I don"t know. 我不知道 這是什么味兒 What"s that smell? 聞著像尿 Smells like pee. 我們會沒事的

　各位 Okay, we"re gonna be fine, everybody. -拉到便盆里

　-不要 - Go in the potty, boy. - No. -要

　-不要 - Yay! - No. 我曾經以為這是很簡單的事 I thought it was going to be easy. 給我擦屁♥股♥

　Wipe my butt. 爸爸

　給我擦屁♥股♥ Papa, wipe my butt. 給我擦屁♥股♥ Wipe my butt. 我跪了 I sucked. 我想盡量保持... I"m trying to figure out how to keep my... 我知道我想要做一個好爸爸 I knew I wanted to be a good father. 我的耐心 ...my patience. 但我不知道該怎么做 But I didn"t know how. 我跟全職媽媽的接觸也不多 And I really hadn"t had enough experience with stay-at-home moms 也不認識任何全職爸爸 or knew any stay-at-home dads at all, 我真的就是 so I was kind of like, man, 我覺得我是個冒牌貨 I felt like I was an impostor. 我還記得躲在這個浴室里哭 I just remember crying in this bathroom right here. 外面孩子們在拍門

　喊爸爸 And you hear the kids banging on the door, "Papa!" 我當時想

　"我不知道我還能不能撐下去 It was like, "Yo, I don"t know if I"m gonna make it through this 我需要一些鼓勵" if I don"t get some type of encouragement." 真的 Like, really. 新關注我的朋友們 Some of you guys are new to my page. 我叫比利弗

　是一名父親 My name is Beleaf. I am a father... 一開始

　我只是打開相機 At first, I would just pull the camera out 對著鏡頭說話 and start talking to the camera.

　后來

　我開始把鏡頭 Then, instead of pointing the camera to myself, 轉向我的孩子們 I"m gonna point it to my kids. 這是我的孩子們

　巧克力寶寶們 These are my children, the chocolate babies. -說"你好"

　-你好 - Say "Hi." Hi. - Hi. 說"你好" Say "Hi." 我想展示我作為爸爸的這些經歷 And I wanna show what I"m experiencing as a father. 你是不是老天派來懲罰我的 You freaking kidding me, yo? -沒把它們放好是我不對

　-對 - I"m stupid for leaving this out. - Okay. -但是弄成這樣就是你的不對了

　-對 - But you shouldn"t have touched this. - Okay. -你知道的

　-對 - And you know that. - Okay. 真的

　我發誓

　我經歷的這些 Yo, I swear, man, you can"t even write 編故事你都編不出來 some of the stuff I go through. 我把袋子放在那里

　萊亞鉆進了袋子里 I left the bags there. Riah goes into the bag. 我看著提奧

　他在上廁所 I was checking on Theo. He"s on the potty. -你好

　-然后尤萊亞就干了個這 - Hi. - And Uriah does this. 有那么多能拿的東西 He could have took a lot of different things, 他偏偏選中了雞蛋 but he decided to take the eggs. -不行啊小伙

　不好

　-不哈 - Not cool, bro. All bad. - All bad? -不好

　-不哈 - All bad. - All bad? -壞透了

　-花嘟了 - Horrible. Yeah. - Horrible? 現在給你洗個澡澡

　Now I gotta give you a bath. -就沒人可憐可憐我嗎

　-沒有 - Does anyone feel sorry for me? - No. 你是說沒有嗎 You said no? 于是我開始跟大家分享我艱難的經歷 So I started to share my rough experiences. 發現有很多人跟我感同身受 I found a lot of people who felt like me. 我受到了鼓勵

　于是就繼續拍視頻 I got encouraged, and then I just kept making videos. 實話說

　我不太贊成把我們的家庭生活 To be honest with you, I wasn"t a fan of the whole 發到網上去 putting our family out there. -提奧幾天沒有拉粑粑了

　-三天了 - How long has Theo been holding his poop? - Three days. 到這兒來 Come over here. -怎么

　你在拍我嗎

　-沒錯

　我在拍 - Why-- Are you recording me? - Yeah, I"m recording you. 跟我走到這里來

　轉個彎 Walk here with me. Turn the corner. 別打我 Don"t hit! -你撿了嗎

　寶貝

　-撿了 - Did you get it, babe? - Yeah, -我撿了

　-別往我臉上蹭

　別別別 - I got it! - Don"t put that in my face. Stop it! Stop! 別玩我了

　寶貝 Babe, don"t play with me. 他真的只是想讓大家看到 He really just wanted people to get the authentic experience 全職家長最真實的經歷 of what it meant to be a stay-at-home parent. 小孩的眼淚 跟你們說

　L-FRESH The LION 超贊的 Yo, shout-out to L-FRESH The LION, you know? 這是新一♥期♥的《比利弗當爸爸》 This has been another episode of Beleaf in Fatherhood. 這種用視頻記錄當爸爸的生活方式

　This whole dad-vlogging lifestyle, 我不知道之前有沒有人這么做過 I don"t know if this has ever been a thing. 但我很喜歡 But I"m loving it. 各位早上好

　有沒有人有問題... Good morning, anyone. Does anyone have any questions... -我有

　-要問巧克力寶寶們 - I do. - for the chocolate babies? 是他們問你問題 They"re gonna ask you questions. "你是不是全職爸爸"

　是的

　沒錯 "Are you a stay-at-home dad?" Yes, I am. 嚴格來說

　我是在家工作 Technically, I work from home. 這讓我意識到公開透明的力量 It forced me to realize the power of transparency. 好了

　來吧 All right. So, boom. 作為全職爸爸

　每個人各過各的小日子并無裨益 As a stay-at-home dad, it really doesn"t help if we"re private. 我喜歡你的頭發 I love your hair. 爸爸

　你喜歡我哪種發型 Dad, how you love my hair? -我喜歡你頭發本來的樣子

　-嗯 - Just like it is, buddy.- Yeah. 我也喜歡你本來的樣子

　我喜歡你巧克力色的皮膚 I like you just how you are. I love your chocolate skin. 我認為我們需要讓更多的父親展示出他們的生活 I think we need more fathers exposing their lives 打開他們的窗戶 and opening their windows 讓我們見到為父之心 and allowing us to see the heart of a father. -阿

　奈

　亞

　-奈

　亞 - Anaya.- "Naya. 亞

　亞

　亞的開頭是哪個字母 Ya. Ya. What letter is ya, ya? U 嗎 U?

　不是 U

　聽起來像

　因為 U 開頭的話讀起來就是額

　額 Not U. It sounds like U" cause it"s, U is uh, uh. 聽起來像是這個字母... Sounds just like this letter... 我這個全職爸爸

　一開始當得很糟糕 I was a terrible stay-at-home father at first. 但我慢慢上道了 But I got good at it. -吃培根啦

　-我要去 - Bacon! - Go me! -吃培根

　好

　咱們走

　-走 - Bacon. Okay, let"s go.- Go. 咱們走

　好的

　去吧 Let"s go. Let"s go. All right. Come on. Okay. 我是他們生命中獨一無二的父親

　所以我必須很出色 I am the man in their life, so I have to be excellent. 還燙

　得吹吹再吃

　吹給我看看 Still hot, gotta blow it. Let me see you blow it. 很好 Very good. 我的丈夫從一個 To go from being married to somebody 不愿談論工作的人 who doesn"t want to talk about their job 變成現在這個全身心投入天職的人 to somebody who is now walking in their calling, 真的讓我很吃驚 it"s just like, "What the heck?" 這是徹頭徹尾的轉變

　我盡量不哭出來 Like, it"s a complete transformation. I"ll try not to cry. 別一下子全塞進嘴里

　小口小口吃 Don"t put it all in your mouth. Smaller bites, please. 現在我能理解那些丈夫在外工作的全職媽媽了 Now I understand a lot of stay-at-homemoms who have working husbands, "別問我今天做了什么" like, "Don"t ask me what I did today." 你懂我意思嗎 You know what I"m saying? 你根本不知道我遭遇了什么 You have no idea what I"ve been through. -真的很難

　-爸爸

　- It"s hard. Yeah. - Papa. 嗯 Yeah. -谷麥圈

　-你也想吃谷麥圈嗎 - Cheerios. - You want Cheerios too? -是的

　-好吧 - Yes. - All right. -你們準備好做禱告了嗎

　-沒有 - Are you ready to say your prayers? - No! 你的孩子才不在乎誰是總統 Your kid doesn"t care who the president is. 你的孩子只想要你全心投入 Your kid cares that you pay attention. 你就是那個孩子世界的中心 You are the center of that child"s world. 你是爸爸 You"re Dad. -晚安

　寶貝

　-晚安 - Good night, baby. - Good night. -晚安

　孩子們

　-晚安 - Good night, buddies. - Good night. -晚安

　-晚安

　我要關門了 - Good night. - Good night. I"m gonna close the door now. -再見

　-爸爸 - Bye. - Daddy. 再見 Bye. -再見

　-再見 - Bye. - Bye. -爸爸

　-不行 - Daddy! - No. -爸爸

　-不行 - Daddy! - Nope. -爸爸

　-再見 - Daddy! - Bye. 有句話說

　在有孩子之前 There"s this saying, that you"re the best parent you"ll ever be 大家都很擅長帶孩子 before you have kids. 因為那時一切都是紙上談兵嗎 Oh, because everything is theoretical?

　都是空談

　"等我有了孩子..." It"s all in theory. Like, "When I become a parent..." 這是什么意思 What does that mean? -我們有孩子了

　-天吶 - We"re pregnant. - Oh, my God! 我確實記得 I do remember my first reaction 我妻子告訴我她懷孕了的時候

　我的第一反應 when my wife told me that she was pregnant. 我記得我當時在想

　"居然成功了" I remember thinking, "Wow, it worked." 這事就好比你在院子里種番茄 It"s almost like when you grow tomatoes in your yard, "看啊

　我種出番茄了" like, "Hey, look at that. I got tomatoes." 暗指"肚子里有個寶寶" 烤箱里有個面包

　拿出來 There is a bun in the oven. Take it out. 驗孕棒 Pregnancy tests. 謝謝你 Thank you very much. -不

　寶貝

　你好好看看

　-怎么了 - No, babe, look at them. - What? 測試結果 The tests. 大衛和我都覺得建立一個家庭很重要 David and I decided that a family would be important to us, 我們本來想著或許可以領養 and we thought about maybe adopting. 但我們又想

　"不如試試代♥孕♥好了" But we thought, "Why don"t we try the surrogacy process to see?" 我們一開始就試過傳統的辦法 First we tried the old-fashioned way, 但我就是沒法讓他懷孕 and I just could not get him pregnant. -這是你的測試結果嗎

　-對 - Is this you? - Yes. -你在開玩笑嗎

　-不 - Are you joking? - No.

　-你懂"烤箱里有面包"是什么哏嗎

　-是什么 - Do you understand "bun in the oven"? - What is that? 這樣解釋你就懂了 Explaining to you what it does mean. 過來

　抱一個

　寶貝 Come here. Come here. Oh, babe! -寶貝

　-好了好了 - Oh, babe. - All right. 突然間

　這變成了你這輩子最重要的事 It"s suddenly the most important thing you"ll ever do in your life, 而你對此毫無準備 and you have no preparation for it in any way. 這...真的挺嚇人 And... it"s really scary. 我要離家出走 I"m leaving! 老天

　不要啊 God, no! 搞什么... What the... 拜托 Please. 這是你從整蠱商店買♥♥來的道具嗎 What, you got-- You got that from a joke store? -你說我從哪買♥♥來的

　-你是不是從整蠱商店買♥♥來的 - Did I get it from a where? - Did you get it from a joke store? -這是不是你從整蠱商店買♥♥來的

　-不是 - Did you get it from a joke store? - No. 天啊

　我喘不過氣了

　天啊

　喘不過氣 Oh, Lord, my chest. Goddamn, my chest. 寶貝

　咱們老了

　不能再養一個孩子了 Babe, we old! We old! We can"t be doing it. 反正我不干了 I"m not doing it no more. 我不干了

　我以后都要穿著秋褲睡覺 I"m done. I"m sleeping with long johns on from now on. -寶貝

　我們該怎么辦

　-什么叫該怎么辦 - Baby, what we gonna do? - What you mean "What we gonna do?" 咱們都生了三個孩子了

　再來一遍唄 We"re gonna do the same thing we did for the last three. 寶貝

　天啊

　又得換尿布

　Oh, baby, just-- Oh, Lord, diapers. 你不是吧 Really? -咱們會處理好的

　-咱們會處理好的 - We gonna be all right. - We gonna be all right. -你可以處理好嗎

　-咱們會處理好的 - You gonna be all right? - We gonna be all right. 你還好嗎 You all right? 你想給那些準爸爸們 What advice would you give to someone 提供一些什么建議 who"s about to become a father? 我會告訴他們

　"這件事會改變你的人生 I just tell them, "This will change your life 并且會是你這輩子最有意義的一件事 and be the most meaningful thing that happens to you in your life. 多余的話我就不說了" And that"s all I"m gonna say to you." 然后我會試著弄出一陣煙霧 And then I try to throw one of those smoke things down 好趁機消失 so I can disappear. 但我是個很差勁的魔術師 But I"m a terrible magician, 所以煙消霧散

　他們會看著我走開 so the smoke clears, and then they see me walk away. 失去了戲劇效果 And the drama"s lost. 好了

　咱們來搞定這玩意 All right. Let"s figure this out. 里德·霍華德 紐約州

　威斯徹斯特 無需組裝

　好吧 Assembly not required. All right. 在我成長的過程中

　我總是認為自己 Growing up, I always saw myself 是想要當父母的那種人 as someone who wanted to have kids. "請勿移除" "Do not remove."

　天吶

　我得看說明書 God, I need to read directions. 但是

　天吶 But... Oh, my God. 說實話

　我很緊張 To be honest, like, I"m just nervous 因為我希望一切都能順順利利 "cause I want everything to go okay. 但這樣會把寶寶甩出去吧 But this could fling the baby, couldn"t it? 我覺得這樣不對勁 That seems like a problem to me. 我只想問

　"這樣正常嗎" Just as a quick question,"Is this normal?" 不正常 No. 應該不是這么裝的 They don"t want you doing that. -嗯

　得反過來

　-彎曲的那邊朝下 - Yeah. Do it the other way. - They want the curved part on the floor. 離預產期還剩一個月 The due date"s about one month away, 我覺得在孩子出生之前 so I think I"m gonna be nervous about it 在確定母子平安之前

　我都會很擔心 until the baby comes out and the baby"s okay, and Ashley"s okay. 之后我就不會再為此擔心了 And then I won"t be nervous about it anymore. 等孩子出生之后 Then I"ll just be nervous about 我就會開始擔心傷著孩子 breaking the baby once we have the baby. 好了 All right. 怎么就是裝不好呢 Why is that not working? 那時我剛買♥♥了一臺畫中畫電視

　還記得那種嗎 I had just gotten a picture-in-picture TV. Remember those? 可以用小畫面播放另一個頻道 You could have the little picture of another channel. 說明書大概有一千頁

　And it was a thousand-page manual. 我捧著大部頭說明書坐下

　開始翻看 So I sit my thousand-page manual down, I"m going through, 然后我就聽見佳達說

　"見鬼" and I hear Jada say, "Oh, shit." 我就問

　"怎么了

　寶貝" And I was, "What, babe? What?" 她說

　"我的羊水破了

　羊水破了" She said, "My water broke. My water broke." 我說

　"不好" I was like, "Oh." "你確定嗎" "You sure?" 每次我妻子進產房♥

　我都會很緊張 When there are babies being born, I"m just nervous. "爸爸

　扶著她的腿"

　我就說 "Dad, hold her leg," and I was like, "居然在這就要生了

　就是說沒有簾子 "Snap, it"s happening here. So no curtain. 你讓我別看 You"re telling me not to look. 好吧

　那我就扶著這條腿"

　然后鼓勵她 Okay, cool. So, I"ll just hold this leg." and... "你做得很棒" "You"re doing a great job." 但毫無疑問 But make no mistake about it, 她是蝙蝠俠

　你連羅賓都算不上 she"s Batman, and you"re not even Robin. 你只是蝙蝠車上的一個輪胎而已 You"re one of the tires on the Batmobile. 在陣痛的間隙

　為了分散我的注意力 In between contractions, to distract me, 她會讓我去找一些奇奇怪怪的東西 she would give me these weird hunts to go on. 你懂我意思嗎 You know what I mean? 你能不能幫我去找兩個被電線綁在一起的蘋果 Can you go find me two apples tied together with an electrical cord? 我就會說

　"馬上就去" I"m like, "Got it."

　你們有沒有去上什么課 Are there any classes that you guys have taken or anything? 嗯

　我們上了一門七小時的課 Yeah, yeah, we took a seven-hour class 是專門為新手父母準備的課程 all about parents that are first-time parents. 他們會給你看視頻 And they showed you videos, 還有其他的一些東西 and they showed you all sorts of stuff. 說實話吧 And to be honest, like, you know, 我媽讓我們看過我們的出生視頻 Mom made us all watch our birth videos, 所以我已經有心理陰影了 so I was already traumatized. 嗯

　你能不能談談我們家的那些出生視頻 Yeah, no, can you just talk a little bit about the birth videos 我們家的這個傳統 that we have in our family, and that tradition? 好

　首先

　出發點是好的 Oh, yeah. Well, first of all,the premise is nice. "我們想讓你看看

　在懷著你的時候 "We want you to see what we were like 我們倆是什么樣的" when we were pregnant with you," 這事真的很甜蜜 which is so sweet. 他們會做一些采訪 So they do some interviews. 我長了四斤 So, I"ve gained four pounds. 現在這個時候

　你大概十五厘米長 At this point, you"re about six inches. 媽媽會展示她的肚子

　"她懷孕了" Mom flashes her belly, "Oh, she"s pregnant." 貓到處亂跑 You know, the cat"s running around. 爸媽聊生孩子的事 It"s just Mom and Dad talking about it. 然后他們決定近距離

　And then they decided that it was appropriate 拍攝分娩視頻 to have like a, like two feet from exit, like, 認為這沒有不妥 birthing video. 用力

　用力

　用力

　用力

　用力 Push, push, push, push, push! -出來了

　-加油

　謝爾 - Here we go. - Come on, Cheryl. 到底有沒有不妥留給大家評判 You know, I"ll let everyone judge on that, 但就我而言

　我們應該不會拍視頻 but for me, I don"t think we"re gonna do that. 這可能是一個我們不會延續的傳統 So that"s maybe a trait that we"re not carrying on. 那都是很棒的家庭時光 It"s good quality family time right there. 你記得第一次抱起孩子的感覺嗎 Do you remember the first time you held your baby? 記得 Yeah. 我當時

　一眼就愛上我的孩子了 It was just, like, love at first sight. 真的真的真的很愛 Like, for real, for real, for real. 他們真的很小

　小臉小手小腳 They"re just so little. Everything"s so mini and tiny. 我記得第一次抱起她的時候

　我說 I remember holding her for the first time and going, "我不想摔到她 "I don"t wanna break this. 能換個人來抱嗎" Can someone else hold this?" 但你最終還是做到了 But you did it ultimately. 是啊

　最后輕輕松松

　一只手抱 Yeah, by the end,I"m easy, I"m one hand. Yeah. 抱孩子就跟拿海斯曼獎杯差不多 I would hold it like the Heisman Trophy. 我抱著孩子走來走去 I was walking around with my baby

　感覺毫無負擔 like I wasn"t even holding a baby. 我當爸爸了

　懂我意思嗎 I"m a dad. You know what I mean? 我感覺肩上扛了責任

　像個士兵一樣 I felt like I was on duty, like a soldier. "你好啊

　我當爸爸了" It was like, "Hi, I am a dad." 我們回家吧 Let"s go home. 我記得從醫院開車回家 I remember driving home from the hospital 感覺路上的司機一個個都是混♥蛋♥ and just feeling like everybody was an asshole driving "你們都給我悠著點" like, "relax, y"all." 那是第一次

　他生命的全部重量 It was the first moment that the full weight of his life 都成了我的責任 was my responsibility. 我記得我們帶我女兒妮芙回到公♥寓♥ I remembered us taking Neve, my daughter, into the apartment. 動作就好像是 And it is the way you watch people 抱了個還沒引爆的炸♥彈♥ carrying a bomb that hasn"t gone off. 你會高度警惕 You"re just hyper aware. 有只鳥還在十公里以外

　但是朝這邊飛過來了 There"s a bird six miles over that way, but it"s headed this way. 萬一它想把我女兒搶走呢 What if it tries to take her? 我們離開的時候

　就我們兩個人 When we left, it was just the two of us. 現在

　這小子就住在這了

　一輩子 Now, this dude lives here... forever. 我們走進門

　看見我那一堆東西 So, we"re walking through the door, and I see all of my stuff 畫中畫電視的說明書散了一地 all over the floor from my picture-in-picture TV. 我恍然大悟

　低下頭

　And it dawned on me, and I looked down, 我說

　"畫中畫電視 and I was like, "There"s a thousand-page manual 都有一千頁的說明書 for a picture-in-picture television 他們屁都沒給就讓我們帶著孩子回家了" and they sent us home with a baby and nothing." 我說

　"寶貝

　這不太對勁啊" I was like, "Something"s really wrong here, baby." 我抱著我的女兒凱蒂 I had my daughter Katie. 她當時差不多有十個月大吧 She was about ten months old, something like that. 我當時把她舉過頭頂

　我在笑 I"m just kind of holding her over my head, and I was smiling. 我嘴巴張得老大

　她嘴巴也張得老大 I had my mouth wide open, and she had her mouth wide open. 然后她吐出了非常帶勁的柱狀液體 And then she vomited in a forceful column. 就是所謂的噴射式嘔吐 I guess they call it projectile vomiting. 直接

　直接射中了我的小舌頭 Directly into-- like, it hit my uvula. 直接噴進我喉嚨里了

　人的反應肯定是 It just went right into my throat, and of course, your reaction is 把這個人扔開

　扔得越遠越好 to throw this person, you know, as far away from you as possible. 但是我沒有

　我抱著她 But I didn"t. I held onto her. 我只是盡可能的把東西吐出去 I just spit as much of it as I could out. 那時候我意識到我是個爸爸了 That"s when I realized I was a dad. 每次一把她放進嬰兒床里 Every time her body touched the crib... 就像怪獸電影似的 it was like a monster movie. 我抱著她

　姿勢不好 I would hold her, with bad posture, 后來導致我椎間盤有問題 which led to disc issues later.

　我就一直這樣抱著她 So I would hold her like this for so long. 天吶

　我現在就能立刻睡著 Oh, my God. I could fall asleep literally right now 因為睡眠不足 from sleep deprivation. 起來 Get up. 你會連續幾周都沒法睡覺

　你會發瘋的 You do have weeks and weeks of just no sleep, and you get crazy. 他在哭呢 He"s crying. 能讓你崩潰 It can break you. 他在哭呢

　寶貝 He"s crying, babe. 他在哪呢 Where"s he at? -他在哪呢

　-別拍了 - Where"s he at? - Please. Please. 孩子在這兒哭

　他還以為自己抱著孩子呢 He"s right there crying, and he thinks he"s holding him. 我們年輕的時候想的都是

　"我我我 So much of our youth is "me, me, me, me, me, me. 我還有事

　我最重要" Gotta go. Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta." 但是當你的孩子誕生后 But then when you bringa kid into the world, 你意識到

　"這是我女兒" and you realize "That"s my daughter," 你肩上的擔子就放下了

　如釋重負 your shoulders drop in this very profound way. "好吧

　現在她最重要了"

　你懂嗎 "Oh, right. Now it"s about her." You know? "最重要的不是我了

　是她" "It"s not about me. It"s about her." 這是最不可思議的頓悟 It"s this incredible... 你不再是世界上最重要的人了 realization that you"re not the most important person in the world. 作為父母

　有了孩子之后

　As a parent, the thing that you always are most scared of... -嗯

　-最讓擔心的事是什么 - Yeah. - when you have a kid, is you say, 你希望你的孩子能怎么樣 what"s the one thing that you want your kid to be? 健康

　當然是健康 Healthy. Yes, of course. 我當時根本不擔心會出什么問題 I wasn"t at all worried that there would be anything wrong. 我兒子比利出生的時候 When my son Billy was born, 我已經有了三個非常健康的孩子 I had three kids that were perfectly healthy. 我們的孩子是早產兒 Our kids were born premature, 我們不知道會出現什么狀況 and we didn"t know what was going to happen. 這種事情會...改變一切的軌跡 It"s one of those things where... that changes everything. 你家人的幸福就是你幸福的上限 You know, you"re only as happy as your family is. 所以

　你是非常脆弱的 And so, you"re very vulnerable. 羅伯特·塞爾比 弗吉尼亞州

　特賴安格爾 我是你♥爸♥爸 Well, this is Daddy. 你馬上就要降生了 Your body will be here in a little bit. 我們等不及迎接你的到來了 We couldn"t wait for you to come. 你玩過頭了 You took your happy-ass time. 玩過頭了

　晚了兩天 Happy-ass time. Two days late. 但是你最好今天就出來

　今天 But you better come out today. Today. 當孩子要出生的時候 When you"re expecting a child, 父母總是會 the parents, they always

　準備新生兒派對

　揭示性別派對 prepare for the baby shower, the gender reveal, 裝飾房♥間 they"re decorating the rooms 然后給孩子挑名字 and they"repicking out names and stuff like that. 一切都是快樂的

　他們從來沒有為意外做過準備 Everything is always happy. They never prepare for the what-ifs. 媽媽說你晚了兩天 Mama say you"re two days late. 但我認為

　好事急不得 But my thing is, you don"t rush perfection. 你會是個好寶寶

　我們愛死你了 You"re going to be a perfect child. And we love you to death. 爸爸要關啦 Daddy"s signing out. 我記得監護儀開始鈴♥聲♥大作 I remember bells and whistles on the monitor started going off. 下一刻就像是特警隊沖進來了 The next thing you know, like, a SWAT team came in. "我們不能等了

　他需要馬上進行緊急手術" "We cannot wait. He needs emergency surgery right now." 他們說他有先天性心臟缺陷 They told us he got a congenital heart defect. 他的心臟上有兩個洞 He had two holes in his heart. 我當時并沒有切實理解

　到底出了什么事 It didn"t resonate with me, like, what actually was going on. 你到底在說什么呢 Like, what are you telling me? 我第一眼看見他從手術室里出來 The first time I saw him out of the surgery room, 我崩潰大哭

　因為那看起來不像是我的孩子 I broke down crying because it didn"t look like my child. 他就像個沒有生命的玩偶 And he was like a lifeless doll. 當時我就知道 I just knew at that time, 我永遠都是他的守護者 man, like, I will forever be his protector. 毫無疑問我絕對不會拋下這個孩子

　There"s no doubt in my mind that I will ever leave this child. 這是第一次動手術的地方 This is the first surgery we did 我們在肺動脈瓣的前面 where we just alleviated the obstruction inside the heart 減輕了對心臟的阻塞 before the pulmonary valve. 但他的瓣膜依舊有嚴重的阻塞 But he still has more obstruction at the valve. 兒子

　兒子

　兒子 My man, my man, my man. 哭吧

　爸爸在呢

　爸爸在呢 Let it out. Daddy"s here. Daddy"s here. 前三年真的是太難太難了 The first three years, it really, really was a lot. 這個是小家伙用的泵 That"s my little homie"s pump right there. 每晚接上使用十個小時 Hook him up every night for ten hours. 整整三年

　家庭護士每天都要來照顧我兒子 My son had home nurses for three years, every day of the week. 每周做兩次物理治療 He had a physical therapist two times a week. 他大概用著八♥九♥種藥 And he was on, like, eight, nine medicines. 我們到了

　要去看醫生了 Okay, we made it. About to head out to the doctor"s appointment. 他以前一個月要去看三個醫生 He used to have to see three doctors a month 持續了大概一年半 for almost, like, a year and a half. -爸爸

　-好了 - Daddy! - Okay. 那是一段非常漫長而且艱難的過程 It was a long, long, long rocky process 因為那時候我沒有車 because at that time, I didn"t have a car. 好了

　拉住我的手 All right, hold my hand. 我要打車

　坐公交車 I had to hop cabs and buses and stuff.

　而且有些醫生遠在華盛頓特區 And some of his appointments were way in Washington, DC. 我早上六點就要出發 I would literally have to leave six o"clock in the morning 就是為了早到三十分鐘 just to be there 30 minutes early. 昨晚真是太難熬了 Yeah, it was a rough night last night. 我今天不得不請假

　看著 RJ

　確保他沒事 I had to take off work today. Make sure, you know, RJ"s okay. 我記得有一次他病了

　就是個小感冒 I remember one time he got sick. Like, a small little cold. 他掉了一斤體重 He dropped a pound. 用了快一年才把這一斤長回來 It took almost a whole year to get that pound back. 37 度

　好了寶寶

　你接著睡吧 Ninety-eight point seven. Okay, baby. You go back to sleep, okay? 抱歉 I"m sorry. 當時我是個新手爸爸 It was like, I"m a first-time father. ...

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